As the school year winds down and my youngest officially becomes a high school senior, many of you might relate to the profound shift I'm experiencing. After three decades of continuous parenting, I'm squarely in the throes of what you might call PENS or "pre-empty nest syndrome." I've long prepared for the inevitable reality and I'm acutely aware of how quickly her senior year will fly by, bringing that bittersweet farewell.
Yet, even with all that preparation, I've found myself adrift since she started her full-time summer job. The quiet in our home, once a longed-for luxury when the kids were little, now feels engulfing. My mind, accustomed to the constant hum of juggling the needs of up to six humans, is struggling to recalibrate. I'm finding it surprisingly challenging to fill these newfound hours and strike a balance between my inner and outer worlds. In many ways, it feels like navigating uncharted territory.
They say now is the time to do all the things you didn’t have time for before, and I’m eager to discover the truth in that. A few weeks ago, while at Michael’s, I spotted an art desk on clearance that seemed perfect for the watercolor supplies I've been collecting. It looked heavy though, so I opted not to purchase it at the time. That evening, it was still on my mind, so I found and ordered an even better one online for just a tad bit more money. It arrived within a few days and took a couple hours to assemble. As I loaded it with my supplies, I realized I had accumulated more than I thought, and a surprising amount of joy bubbled up as I imagined myself painting near the window.
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One of those "things" I'm finally exploring is watercolor painting. A few months ago, a friend sent me a simple tutorial, and I remember thinking, "That looks easy!" Today, I used my spare time to try that tutorial, linked above, and was quite pleased with the results!
As the sign on my wall next to the new desk advises, I'm trying to "follow my heart," wherever it may lead me. And right now, it’s leading me to rediscover the quiet joys that got lost in the beautiful chaos of raising a family. Oddly enough the birds nest that was made last season in the deck rafters right outside my window recently fell down. I guess that could be another sign to... prepare or go splat? (Yikes 😳)
As I navigate this new chapter, I'm realizing just how much of my identity has been tied to the constant demands of parenting. It's a strange mix of relief and disorientation. On one hand, there's a newfound freedom to pursue interests that were previously on the back burner. On the other, the quiet can be deafening, and I'm keenly aware of the void left by daily routines and endless to-do lists.
This journey of self-discovery, prompted by an empty nest, is both exciting and a little scary. It's about figuring out who I am when the primary role of "mom" shifts. For me, I hope it manifests in a creative way. What new avenues are opening for you, or what dreams are you dusting off, as life evolves?
With love,
Andrea
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